Stories & Achievements: Sandy’s Story

Sandy's story: Our 30th anniversary with Headstart

Just as three decades of commitment in marriage is traditionally symbolised by a pearl… we chose to honour our 30th anniversary of support through Headstart with an Amethyst.  It is long regarded for its healing and protective properties; promoting serenity, understanding, trust and grace.  It also happens to be the birthstone for February.

This all makes sense when I re/introduce you to my Dad – Norm Stevens.  One week after he celebrated his 50th birthday on 5th February 1993, he suffered a cardiac arrest in his sleep, which would change the course of his and our lives forever. We were to later learn that Dad was born with a congenital heart issue (hypercardio myopathy without obstruction).

Living in Sydney at the time I supported both of my parents as we all had to navigate an intensely frightening time.

As a result of the cardiac arrest and his brain hypoxia, Dad was left with an acquired brain injury most prominently and severely affecting his short term memory, initiative and motivation.

Soon after, Dad was linked into the Brain Injury Rehab Centre in Darby Street and then with Headstart.  I believe he was the 77th consumer to join the Service. Hunter B.I.R.O also entered our lives then.

Dad was a very active and successful sportsman, competing to the highest level in every sport he adopted – cycling/ road racing, super modified speedcar racing, catamaran sailing and kayaking. He won the Goulburn to Liverpool cycling road race – 189km in 1976 as well as countless club meets.

He built and raced his own super modified speedcar at Tralee Speedway, Canberra in the late 60’s early 70’s. He sailed many club, state and national championships on his several Hobie and Gemini catamarans – namely called “abNORMal 1,2,3” etc. and up to the time of his cardiac arrest paddled in 3 day  Murray River and overnight Hawkesbury River marathons.

Dad was a self employed plumber all his working life and had joined JML Constructions when he and Mum moved to Newcastle in 1990.

Life changed dramatically for Dad and for us as his family/ caregivers. It changed financially, physically and emotionally.

As Dad could no longer work, he and Mum had to begin receiving a Disability Support/ Carers Pension. Thankfully they owned their house but Mum became the primary carer, house manager and keeper.  In the early years, Dad needed so much assistance.  He was mobile, but had lost the ability to initiate everything, including personal care.  Mum had limited support at the time as both of their extended families lived quite a long way away and a lot of their friends/ social connections had waned with people not understanding ABI.  Dad had one very loyal friend who kept up contact with them  for many many more years.

My husband and I relocated to Newcastle in 1998 and took on respite support for Mum and Dad a few days a week, until he came to live with us permanently in 2000, just prior to the birth of our first child (following Mum’s emotional breakdown).

Headstart became a lifeline for Dad and for our family.  Dad attended the Rec group where he participated in a plethora of activities and recreational pursuits over the decades – many of which gave him challenge and a sliver of that ambition he had lost.  He enjoyed Men’s groups, short holidays, social gatherings and weekly recreational opportunities. Among his favourites were abseiling, archery, AFL games, woodworking, ceramics, dart competitions, fishing, day trips, boat rides, Sailability… the list goes on.  Through Headstart Dad found friendship, acceptance, purpose, self worth, fun, responsibility, social connection and activity.  As his family we found carer support, advice, quality of life, friendship, stability and understanding.

Severe ST Memory Loss means Dad can’t look forward to an event or remember joy in what happened. So we have learnt through the years to make the moments count, because that’s all we really have.

Our family unit has experienced its fair share of struggle, over and above caring for Dad with a brain injury. We’ve had relationships break down, death, births, incarcerations, health scares, aged residential care for both Mum and Dad and Mum’s journey to final stages of Alzheimers Disease… but through it all, Headstart have continued to offer flexibility, non-judgemental presence
and support.

We have been richly blessed through an array of co-workers (beginning with Kesley and currently with Mark)  and support workers (Pat being our longest serving), always with Sue at the helm.

Over the decades, Headstart have been instrumental in educating the community about brain injury, which when Dad’s was acquired, was really in infancy as far as social acceptance and understanding. I am so proud that we have lived to witness this remarkable shift.

I can honestly say, without a moment’s hesitation that it’s this co-ordination of support that has ensured our family unit has stayed together… we haven’t just survived brain injury, but we have thrived.

So as we celebrate Dad’s 80th birthday and this 30 year anniversary comes around on 14th February 2023, I am so honoured to be able to say with the most heartfelt sincerity…  “thank you Headstart”.

A favourite quote on our wall at home from Ralph Waldo Emerson aptly describes success, which I believe resonates intimately with Headstart’s involvement in the life of my father and his family.

- Sandy

Ed Note: to Sandy and Norm: it has truly been our pleasure and thank you for inviting us into your lives.

< Back to all stories and achievements